Emotionally immature vs. narcissist?
Have you ever wondered is he emotionally immature or narcissist? Or is my mother just emotionally immature or narcissist? I know the feeling. 🥲
When you deal with challenging people and situations, you might think that this is because they are emotionally immature or narcissist. But is the person you are dealing with actually emotionally immature or narcissist? Or both?
In this blog post we will explain what narcissism is and what emotional immaturity is and their differences. We will also give examples of their patterns and how to recognize them.
What does it mean to be emotionally immature?
Emotional immaturity refers to a lack of emotional growth or development. People who are emotionally immature often lack self-awareness.
Their responses may resemble those of a dramatic child, even if they are adults.
There can be many recognizable patterns of emotionally immature behaviour.
Interestingly, some of those patterns might be contradictory.
This is because human behaviour is not black and white, and many personality traits can coexist in the same person depending on the context.
However, there are some common traits that we usually connect to low emotional maturity.
No accountability
Taking ownership of your actions requires self-awareness and emotional effort, which emotionally immature individuals may find overwhelming.
Blaming external factors – people, circumstances, or fate – feels safer than facing their own mistakes.
For example, it is easier to say “if he really wanted he would” and let go, than to consider what wrong signals you might have sent.
Externalising the source of problems means that there is less agency and accountability.
Thoughts like “Why did he do this to me?” instead of “What role did I play in this dynamic?” can be a good sign of lack of accountability.
However, when we talk about accountability, it is important to mention that this doesn’t apply to any kind of abuse.
Emotion-driven actions
Reacting solely based on emotions, especially in ways that harm others, is often a sign of emotional immaturity.
It demonstrates a lack of self-regulation and perspective. It shows that emotional are controlling the person, and not the other way round.
You might hear this person saying “I did it because you made me do it.” The better way of saying it would be “I did X, because you made me feel Y.”
However, this is wrong because if we all react in the way we feel, probably there wouldn’t be an unhurt person.
On the contrary, emotional maturity means the ability to recognize, process, and respond to emotions in a constructive way.
Also check: Why he doesn’t love me?
External validation for their decisions
Emotionally immature people may doubt their own judgment, often questioning their ability to make “correct” or “good” choices.
The lack of confidence arises from a fragile sense of self, where you feel inadequate or unworthy and fear criticism.
External validation provides a temporary sense of security, as you rely on others to confirm the validity of their choices.
By seeking validation, you hope to offload some responsibility for the decision onto others, reducing the perceived risk if things go wrong.
Shallow relationships
Prioritizing appearances, convenience, or immediate gratification over emotional compatibility indicates a limited understanding of the complexities that sustain meaningful bonds.
Shallow relationships often reflect emotional immaturity because they lack the depth, commitment, and vulnerability needed to form meaningful connections.
Emotional maturity involves the ability to understand and manage one’s emotions, empathize with others, and invest in relationships on a deeper level.
While emotionally immature people can be frustrating to interact with, their behavior is not necessarily driven by malice or a desire to control others. Often, they lack the skills to function differently and may be open to growth with the right support.
What is narcissism?
Narcissism exists on a spectrum, ranging from healthy self-regard to pathological narcissism, such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
Understanding this spectrum is essential because not everyone who has narcissistic traits falls into the category of being harmful.
In fact, a small amount of narcissism can be beneficial for personal growth, confidence, and resilience.
At the lower end of the spectrum is healthy narcissism, characterized by self-confidence, assertiveness, and the ability to set boundaries.
These traits help individuals advocate for themselves, take pride in their achievements, and maintain self-worth.
When narcissistic traits become more prominent, they may interfere with relationships, work, or personal development.
These individuals may have difficulty handling criticism, often exhibit entitlement, or rely heavily on validation from others. Many people with this kind of narcissism can still form genuine connections and learn from their experiences.
On the more extreme sides of the spectrum, there are traits like:
Grandiose sense of self-importance
Extreme narcissists often view themselves as superior to others and believe they deserve special treatment or privileges. This belief may make them exaggerate their achievements, skills, or talents and expect admiration.
In the same way, to make themselves feel better, narcissists might want to highlight your flaws and make you feel like they hate you.
Here it is important to say that many insecure people are doing the same. They are trying to act confident, fake-it-until-you-make-it, while they are actually insecure.
For example, if someone is unnecessary mentioning their education in a way-to-confident-way, that might be a sign that something about their education is off. Maybe they bribed a few professors. 😉
Sometimes these people might also be narcissists, but sometimes this is just their defence mechanism.
None of the explanations should be used as an excuse to hang out with them if they constantly make you feel bad, though. 😛
A lack of empathy
One hallmark of extreme narcissism is an inability or unwillingness to consider the feelings, needs, or perspectives of others.
This lack of empathy often makes them appear cold, dismissive, or uncaring, especially in situations where compassion or understanding is required.
For example, after ending a relationship, narcissists might be able to walk away so easily.
Fragile self-esteem
Despite their outward confidence, narcissists are often deeply insecure and have a fragile sense of self-worth.
They may react with anger, defensiveness, or even aggression when faced with criticism, failure, or perceived slights, as these experiences threaten their carefully constructed self-image.
Unlike emotionally immature individuals, narcissists are less likely to recognize their behaviors as problematic or seek change unless confronted with significant consequences.
Overlapping behaviors: Why the confusion?
Some behaviors might make it challenging to distinguish between emotional immaturity and narcissism. For example, both might:
- Avoid accountability for their actions.
- Poor communication and not showing emotions.
- React poorly to criticism.
However, the motivations behind these behaviors are often different.
An emotionally immature person may act out due to a lack of skills or understanding, while a narcissist is more likely driven by a need to maintain their ego and control others.
| Aspect | Emotionally Immature | Narcissist |
| Self-Awareness | Often lacks awareness but may improve with time. | Rarely acknowledges flaws; resistant to change. |
| Empathy | Limited but not absent; capable of growth. | Profoundly lacking; sees others as tools. |
| Motivation | Avoids discomfort and responsibility. | Seeks power, admiration, and control. |
| Response to Criticism | Overreacts but may later apologize. | Deflects, blames, or retaliates. |
What would an emotionally immature vs narcissistic person say?
There are certain communication patterns that distinguish an emotionally immature person from a narcissistic person. Table below shows some of them.
| Emotionally Immature Person | Narcissistic Person |
| “I can’t help how I feel, so it’s not my fault.” | “I can’t believe you’re still upset about this.” |
| “Why would anyone care about my opinion? I’m just nobody” | “You really need me to tell you how to do everything?” |
| “I’m not angry, you’re just too sensitive.” | “You’re just overreacting as usual.” |
| “It’s his fault that I feel this way.” | “I don’t know why you always make everything so difficult, it’s exhausting.” |
| “Everything always goes wrong for me.” | “You always seem to get what you want, but not everyone is so lucky.” |
| “I can’t do anything right, so why bother?” | “I wouldn’t expect you to understand; this isn’t as easy for me as it is for you.” |
| “Nothing ever works out for me, I must just be cursed.” | “It must be nice to have everything fall into place for you without effort.” |
| “Everyone else is better than me, I’m just a failure.” | “You never seem to have a problem with anything(sarcastically).” |
| “I m full of flaws, probably no one can love me.” | You are flawless (sarcastically). |
While narcissists subtly try to downplay you by using passive-aggressive remarks or sarcasm, emotionally immature people often downplay themselves.
Narcissists often minimize your emotions or concerns, implying that you’re overreacting or making things more difficult FOR THEM.
And in reality, they are probably upsetting you and trying to gaslight you that you are the problem.
Narcissists do the subtle belittling of other people efforts. By saying things like “I guess I just can’t measure up to you,” the narcissist subtly communicates feelings of inadequacy, all while making the partner feel responsible for the imbalance.
As narcissistic men age, their behavior may shift—sometimes becoming more openly critical, dismissive, or self-pitying as they struggle to maintain their sense of superiority in the face of aging and potential loss of status or control.
Notice how some of these sentences can be said in normal untoxic circumstances.
However, if the similar patterns repeat and make you feel bad, you will want to consider whether this is healthy and safe relationship.
How to handle each personality type
- Dealing with emotional immaturity
- Set clear boundaries: Avoid enabling their avoidance of responsibility.
- Communicate patiently: Speak in ways they can understand and grow from.
- Encourage growth: Suggest therapy or self-improvement efforts.
- Dealing with narcissism
- Protect yourself: Be vigilant against manipulation.
- do not engage in power struggles: Narcissists thrive on conflict and control.
- Seek support: Therapy can help you navigate the challenges of these relationships.
Final thoughts on emotionally immature vs. narcissist
Recognizing whether someone is emotionally immature or a narcissist can make a significant difference in how you approach them.
While emotional immaturity may stem from a lack of development and can often be remedied with effort, narcissism is a deeper, more entrenched issue requiring professional intervention.
In either case, protecting your own emotional well-being is paramount.
Whether you decide to support the person in their growth or step away, knowing the difference can empower you to make informed decisions.