Why Do Narcissists Walk Away So Easily?
Not everyone who walks away so easily is a narcissist.
Maybe they just didn’t love you enough.
Or they have too much dopamine in their life without you (too much screen time) and that is why they can walk away easily.
Or they were over you before the break up and the official break up didn’t change a lot so it was easy for them to move on quickly.
Let’s see first why that is, and then let’s see how narcissists come into the picture.
How long does it take to move on?
In a study conducted in 2007, researchers examined college students who had experienced a romantic breakup in the past 6 months.
Following the breakup, a considerable number of participants noted a rise in positive feelings such as empowerment, self-assurance, and joy.
Given that the average time elapsed between the breakups and the study was approximately 11 weeks, these results suggest that many individuals tend to recover within this timeframe.
However, the speed at which individuals move on after a relationship can vary widely depending on a multitude of factors, including the length and intensity of the relationship, the circumstances surrounding the breakup, individual personality traits, coping mechanisms, and levels of emotional attachment.
Some individuals may take weeks or months to fully recover and feel ready to pursue new relationships, while others may require more time due to the depth of emotional investment or the presence of unresolved issues.
Why do some people walk away so easily?
While narcissists often have specific traits that make a narcissist walk away so easily, it’s important to understand that not everyone who walks away from a relationship or situation fits this profile. Here are several other reasons why someone might choose to walk away easily.
They Were Not Emotionally Invested in the First Place
Imagine someone who starts a relationship more out of convenience than true connection. They might enjoy the company, but there isn’t much depth to their feelings. Without a strong emotional bond, leaving becomes a simple choice. It’s like leaving a casual acquaintance behind, rather than a close friend. There’s no intense emotional tie to keep them there, so walking away feels straightforward and almost effortless.
They Decided Long Ago to Leave, but the Final Move Was Recent
Sometimes, the decision to leave a relationship or situation is made long before the actual exit.
In relationship, they begin to pull back emotionally, distancing themselves bit by bit. By the time they finally do leave, they’ve already processed a lot of the emotional weight. To others, it might seem like they left abruptly, but in reality, they’ve been preparing for this for a long time.
By the time they finally leave, they have already processed much of the emotional impact, making the departure seem abrupt to others even though it was a long-considered decision.
Short Attention Span Due to Social Media
Social media made us quickly scroll through our social media feeds, barely stopping to engage with anything for more than a few seconds. This habit of constantly seeking new and exciting things can spill over into our relationships.
This environment can influence how people approach relationships, making them more prone to move on quickly when a relationship no longer feels engaging or rewarding.
With dating apps just a tap away, finding a new connection feels easy and appealing, making it less likely for someone to stick around and work through the tough parts of their current relationship.
Clarity About What They Want
Many people, especially after their middle twenties, have a very clear picture of what they want and need from a relationship.
They know their needs and preferences, together with boundaries and aren’t afraid to enforce them.
If they find themselves in a relationship with someone who they don’t find compatible, they recognize it early on and choose to leave. This clarity isn’t about being cold or unfeeling; it’s about respecting themselves and their emotional well-being. They’re not leaving because it’s easy; they’re leaving because they know they would be the best partner to someone else.
They Might Pretend That It’s Easy for Them
Sometimes, people put on a brave face when they walk away. They don’t want others to see their hurt or vulnerability, so they act as if leaving is no big deal. It’s a protective shield, a way to hide the pain they might actually be feeling. Inside, they could be struggling with a lot of emotions, but they choose to keep that hidden, preferring to appear strong and unaffected.
So, are they actually narcissists or just moving quickly?
Before we dive into the topic, let’s address a crucial point: the spectrum of narcissism.
Like many others, you or your person might fall somewhere on this spectrum.
The spectrum of narcissism refers to the range of behaviors and traits associated with narcissistic personality traits or narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). This spectrum encompasses a wide variety of individuals and behaviors that don’t necessarily always need to be toxic. Some levels of narcissism can be positive and help us in life.
At one end of the spectrum, you may find individuals who display occasional narcissistic traits, such as a desire for admiration, a sense of entitlement, or a tendency to prioritize their own needs over others. These individuals may exhibit some narcissistic behaviors, but it doesn’t dominate their personality or significantly impair their functioning.
Moving along the spectrum, you encounter individuals who demonstrate more pronounced narcissistic traits. They may display a consistent pattern of self-centeredness, arrogance, manipulation, and a lack of empathy. While they may still maintain relationships and function in society, their narcissistic tendencies can create interpersonal challenges and conflicts. There are also individuals on the extreme of the spectrum, such as Joseph Stalin, Adolf Hitler, and probably Benjamin Netanyahu.
Why Do Narcissists Walk Away So Easily?
So, now that we know more about the spectrum of narcissism, let’s why narcissists walk away so easily.
You stopped romanticising their toxic behaviour
When a relationship becomes deeper, you start to see a narcissist’s flaws more clearly. Initially, you might have romanticized their toxic traits or overlooked their shortcomings, but as the relationship progresses, the reality sets in. For longer relationships, you could be interested to learn how does the aging narcissist man change.
If you begin to point out these flaws or suggest ways they could grow, the narcissist is likely to react negatively.
Narcissists thrive on admiration and being loved for the image they project, not for who they truly are.
They often resist personal growth because it requires them to confront their imperfections and acknowledge that they are not as perfect as they want to believe. For them, growth feels threatening because it challenges the inflated self-image they rely on to feel superior and in control.
Rather than embracing the opportunity to improve, they may withdraw, become defensive, or even walk away from the relationship altogether. This is because they prioritize maintaining their idealized self-image over developing a more authentic and well-rounded self.
Need for validation
The need for validation can play a significant role in why narcissists walk away so easily. For narcissists, the need for immediate satisfaction and validation often outweighs the effort required to maintain a long-term relationship.
They thrive on attention, praise, and adulation, which serve as a constant source of validation for their inflated sense of self-worth. When they feel that their needs are not being met or that they are not receiving enough admiration from a particular relationship, they may quickly lose interest and seek gratification elsewhere.
They may view relationships as a means to an end, such as boosting their ego or gaining social status, rather than as mutually fulfilling partnerships. When they no longer perceive a relationship as beneficial or rewarding, they may walk away without hesitation, as they prioritize their own needs above all else.
Idealization vs. Devaluation
Narcissists tend to idealize others at the beginning of a relationship, seeing them as perfect or superior. They may shower them with attention, compliments, and affection, making their partners feel special, valued, and adored. By idealizing their partner, narcissists bolster their own sense of superiority and self-worth.
They think in a way:
If I love you, you must also be exceptional.
However, this idealization phase is usually short-lived. As soon as the narcissist perceives any slight—whether it’s a minor criticism, a drop in attention, or anything that threatens their self-image—they begin to devalue the person. The individual, who was once seen as perfect, is now viewed as flawed, disappointing, or even worthless. They can behave or talk in hurtful ways and you might wonder why does the narcissist hate me.
This abrupt shift from idealization to devaluation happens because the narcissist’s need for constant validation is insatiable, and they are highly sensitive to anything that disrupts their sense of superiority. When someone no longer fulfills their needs or challenges their self-image, the narcissist devalues them as a way to protect their own ego. This devaluation makes it easier for them to discard relationships because, in their eyes, the person is no longer worthy of their attention or admiration.
The cycle of idealization and devaluation allows narcissists to move on from relationships without much hesitation, as they have already mentally reduced the person’s value in their lives.
Avoidance of Accountability
Narcissists often struggle with taking responsibility for their actions and admitting fault. When faced with criticism or conflict, they may choose to walk away rather than confront the possibility of being wrong or having to make amends.
They do that because they have a fragile ego and are highly sensitive to criticism or perceived flaws. By refusing to accept accountability, they shield themselves from any perceived damage to their self-image or reputation.
Accepting accountability would mean acknowledging their fallibility or imperfections, which conflicts with the narcissist’s grandiose self-image. By avoiding accountability, they maintain the illusion of superiority and invulnerability.
This avoidance of accountability can manifest as a pattern of leaving situations when things become challenging or uncomfortable.
Need to Leave You First
Despite an outward confidence, many narcissists have a fragile ego. Their self-esteem is often heavily reliant on external validation and admiration from others. Any threat to their ego, such as criticism, rejection, or perceived inadequacy, can trigger a strong defensive response.
To protect their ego from being wounded, they might choose to leave a relationship as soon as they sense it could potentially harm their self-image.
By being the first to walk away, they feel they are in control and not the one being discarded. This is a defence mechanism to avoid the emotional vulnerability that comes with the possibility of someone else ending the relationship.
Lack of Respect for Others
Narcissists generally have a low regard for the feelings, needs, and boundaries of others. They prioritise their own desires and ambitions above all else, often disregarding the impact of their actions on those around them. When they decide to leave a relationship or situation, they might do so abruptly and without consideration for the other person’s feelings or the emotional fallout.
Narcissists often deflect responsibility by blaming the other person for the relationship’s breakdown. This behavior shows a lack of respect for the other person’s perspective and emotions, as it denies their role in the situation and places the burden entirely on the other party.
Self-Centeredness
Self-centeredness is a fundamental aspect of narcissism and plays a significant role in why narcissists can walk away from relationships so easily.
This self-centeredness means they are primarily focused on their own needs, desires, and well-being, often at the expense of others.
When a relationship no longer serves their interests or if they feel they are not getting the admiration and attention they crave, they have no hesitation in leaving. Their self-centered nature drives them to prioritize their own satisfaction, making it easy for them to disconnect and move on without concern for the emotional impact on others.
Impulsivity
Impulsivity is another significant factor that contributes to why narcissists may walk away from relationships so easily.
Narcissists often prioritize their immediate desires and impulses over long-term consequences or commitments. Their impulsive nature drives them to seek instant gratification and excitement, which can lead them to quickly lose interest in relationships once the initial thrill fades.
They may become easily bored or dissatisfied with routine, leading them to seek out new experiences or relationships. This impulsivity can result in sudden decisions to walk away from current situations without much forethought or consideration of the consequences.
Why do narcissists walk away so easily: Conclusion
While not everyone who walks away easily is a narcissist, these traits and behaviors can shed light on why some individuals may have a propensity to move on quickly from relationships.
Narcissists’ tendency to walk away from relationships easily can be attributed to a combination of factors, including their need for validation, inability to maintain long-term commitment, impulsivity, and avoidance of accountability. Their idealization of partners followed by devaluation, coupled with a sense of entitlement and lack of empathy, can create instability and turmoil in relationships, ultimately leading to their willingness to walk away when their needs are not being met or when the relationship no longer serves their interests.
In conclusion, the reasons why narcissists walk away from relationships so easily are multifaceted and rooted in their unique personality traits and psychological makeup. By examining these factors and gaining a deeper understanding of narcissistic behavior, we can better navigate relationships and interactions with individuals who exhibit these traits, fostering healthier and more fulfilling connections in our lives.